everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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