I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize