Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
