party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
and i looked up. we had an audience...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
