I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
