Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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