I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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