somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
