Will you blow on my dice?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
