i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
