i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
