Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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