Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize