she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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