i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
