It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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