fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
