so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
