i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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