i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
