She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
