I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
