U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
a search helicopter?!
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
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