i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
