Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
If I die, sorry about rent.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize