I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
