Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i already hear my dad disowning me
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
drinking out of a sandbucket again
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
