addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
