Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
