I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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