u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
