My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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