walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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