"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
