Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize