I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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