we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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