Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
he fucked my hip out of place.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
