I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
