I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
