I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
