I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
