remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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