just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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