so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
