I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize