the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
it was like eating out sand paper
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
