The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
