Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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