it's like iHOP with fire
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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