I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
