they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
