Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
