the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize