Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
NoShamevember. You game?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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