i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
