you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
