Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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