This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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