I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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