you traded sex for a burrito?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
