So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He? As in you personified your dick?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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