Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
