you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
