I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
