You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
We are all done wearing pants today
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
