shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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