Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
