I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
